Healing Diary
by the norwegian girl
Summary: Hermione writes a sort of relationship diary to deal with the struggles her and Draco are going thru.


**Me and my boyfriend**

Her life had changed so much lately. There was not a specific time of change to be set, a specific incident, just a never ending current of events that led to where she was now. Alone, bored, horny, anxious, angry, frustrated, worried and a million other things, her head and heart where filled with conflicting emotions. All because of him.

The start at least I can find, define, the end is not here yet, we'll discuss that when we get to it, even though this relationship has caused me a lot of grief, I do not wish an end for it. So as I said the beginning. Now over a year later I can no longer remember the exact date, but it was in the late fall of 2008. We met in a club called champions, it was a Thursday night, the only night 18 year olds were allowed in, that was what I was pretending to be, really I was 17. Of course my eyes were drawn to him at once, so different, so forbidden, so wrong, yet so right.

He was dancing, so was I and I was slightly drunk, I don't know what he was. So I was really forward, and wouldn't give. He was charming and held back. Because of that I was intrigued, I was not used to guys backing off, in fact I was used to the contrary, being chased. That's why he won me over when he came running back after leaving at the end of the night, kissing me.

It all progressed dangerously fast from there, first phone calls, meeting at clubs, then his apartment. It was perfect really, I was seriously in love, there was only one problem, he already had a girlfriend.

I knew from the beginning that he was going to be trouble, his entire being reeked of it. After a while of meeting in secret, only occasionly, twice, once a month maybe, he stopped calling. I was devastated, but in time I was fine, I got over him, he never really loved me, so I told myself.

Then one night, after over six months, closer to a year really of not seeing him not hearing anything, no nothing. Suddenly there he was. Right in my face. And I didn't even recognize him, one of my friends did. He looked awful, I was pleased. But my heart was screaming out for him, fuck, how I had missed him.

He wanted to dance, I wanted to talk, and relax, the story of our relationship.

He told me he wanted me back, that he had missed me, that he never meant to cut me out, in fact he meant that it all was my fault, because of that one time we met at X, a month after he cut the connection, to put it short, I made it my goal to make him jealous that night, I was successful.

Anyways, he gave me his number again, I'd deleted it, or so I told him, to seem non-chalant.

I promised to call the next day when I'd decided if I was interested or not, he was still with his girlfriend.

The next day, I picked up my phone and called, he answered, our fate was sealed.

The next months were some of the hardest in my life. He still refused to give her up, refused to give me up and I refused to give up. As time passed he became more willing, and my hope grew. Finally it happened, they broke up, after two months wait, I had NEVER been happier, he was at last.

Then comes the next chapter of struggle, getting him to actually, officially become my boyfriend. That took me four months. But still those were four very happy months we hardly fought, we made love every night, we had no worries. And in the night after he fell asleep I would whisper as quietly as possible; I Love You.. One night he whispered it back. One word for this time: Bliss…

At New Years Eve he got down on one knee and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was extremely happy that night, he cried out of happiness. We were a couple, finally.

The honeymoon was over for us, before it had begun. When the end of January came we fought almost every day. It drove us crazy. I was jealous, of everything, he had so much past, I had very little, the balance was off from the very beginning, we just didn't se it. It all went downhill from here. Sure we had our happy periods but it was always fighting, and blaming, and lots of crap really.

So I come to where we are now, we have broken up about 10 times, but never properly. He has kicked me out of his apartment, now our apartment really, but he doesent seem to care, about 15 times. I have cried about 500 times, he has cried three times. And never over us, always something else, unrelated, or maybe he did once, it was dark.

Right now, he's not here, I am home alone, as I am about 50% of the time. And when he is here I'm still lonely. And he broke up with me last night, on his birthday, I don't know if he really meant it. Or if he has changed his mind. So now I'm waiting for him to get home, and when he does I'm gonna screw his brains out, if he'll let me.


End file.
